Mummy-Papa jokes

1.  

  Mummy : Shirt pehen lo nayi waali inspection ke liye ..
Papa: Nayi shirt me tan ke baithna padta hai !

2.    Playing Cards-1
Papa: Main nau haath bolta hun .. hokum ,,,
Arey humare saath thagi hui hai .. sirf char hokum aaye
Mumma : Batana nahi hota !

Next time :
Papa: Kaat hukum hai.
Then looking at partner’s cards for long : acchha 4+3=7. Acche patte nahi mile.
Mummy ( disgusted) : Accche PATI nahi mile.

3.    Playing cards-2
     Mummy: Dhang se khelo na !
          Papa: Haan FUNNY dhang se khel raha hoon.
4.     
Playing cards-3
          Papa( to me and Didi): Ab tum dono chale jaaoge , fir mujhe   saare atyachaar jhelne padenge ( which means playing cards  everyday)

       5.Playing cards-4
Papa: Acchha tum meri partner ho ? tum Hukum kaat rahi ho na ?
Then plays Paan with a flourish !

  6.Playing cards-5
Papa : main 8 nahi banata .. maine dekha ki jo kaat bolta hai wo haarta hai
Mummy ( always compliant) : Thik hai mai 8 bolti hun
Papa (Rethinking): Us partner ke paas to bade acche patte aate hain ... nahi nahi main 9 bolunga !!

7. Me: Papa kya msgs check kar rahe hain ek ghante se?
Mummy: Happy diwali msg
Me : Waah..March me ?
Mummy: Haan papa yahi karte hain.. October me New Year ke msg check karte hain ..

8.Mummy: Movie dekh lo
Papa: sits in front of screen in meditative pose and eyes roll upwards
Mummy : Arey dekho na
Papa( in sometime) looking to right of screen with disinterest
Mummy: Acchi nahi lagi film ?
Papa: nods-acchi hai .. then eyes roll up again


9.Watching another movie ( Ladies vs ricky Bahl )
Pa( in second half ): Arey ye aisa kyun kar raha hai .. is ladki ke paise lekar kyun bhaag raha hai ?
Me: Thats what he does papa .. hes a conman .. thats what the picture is about ( This is after the whole plot has been revealed)
Pa ( Shocked ) : Kya .. Main to ise itna sincere aadmi samajh raha tha abhi tak. L

10.Mummy to Papa: Gopal, Maine to bohot hi acchha dance kar diya shubhra ki shaadi me .. sab log itni praise karte ja rahe hain ..( smiling cutely)

11.Mummy got her foot entangled in the chair. Than called Papa: first thing she says to him is .. “ Shor mat machana” -3 times.
Papa looks on bewildered..
“Arey hua kya ye to batao”
(This was so nana nani would not come to know)

12. Mummy: Whenever Ranu gets drunk he sends lot of emotional messages: “Im also human. Mujhme bhi feelings hain.”
Main kal se nahi aaunga. Aap meri bachi pagar sunil ko de dena. Woh honest aadmi hai
And he praises me a lot
Me: To fir woh emotional messages kisko bhejta hai ?
Mummy : Papa ko !

13. Mummy( to Didi ) : Tu mera paper bana.
DIdi: Maine kya paap kiye hain?
Mummy: Tu itne dino se humare paas reh rahi hai.

14.Didi: Mummy is so honest in playing cards she’ll cut my cards if I reveal anything beforehand. , even though I am her partner.
And nanaji ko to help karengi.. remind karti hain to cut our cards
Mummy ( scrunching nose cutely ) : Bhool  jaate hain woh !:)

15. Making baari barsi song for sangeet
Papa: arey ye sab baraat ke liye gaate hain ..
Mummy ( agitated) : Kya hai Gopal, hume khaane se sab family waalo ko identify karne do na.
( Then doing Google search for food items rhyming with relatives names)

16.Me: Mummy itne cold me bhi aap rajai nahi odhti.
Mummy( withering look ) chhooti bhi nahi

17.Me: Mummy ye kya ghatiya serial hai. All hindi serials are.
Mummy( irritated): Kya hai ? mujhe is serial me interest lene ka man kar raha hai to tu tok deti hai.yeh bohot accha serial hai
Me: OK OK . kya naam hai is serial ka ?
Mummy: Mujhe nahi pata
Me: OK.. but kis bare me hai.. is it comedy or romance or tragedy?
Mummy: Mujhe nahi pata but ye bohot acchha serial hai

18. Mummy: Yeh no. Likh de
Me: Ruko woh accha paper hai .. is rough paper pe likh do
Mummy (glaring): Acchhi cheez ke liye le rahi hun number!!

19. Papa: Shreya, mera BP check kar lo ..meri tabiyat kharab ho gayi hai bohot aur Mummy bol rahi hai : Copy check karo”
Mummy( with stern look):Abhi koi 3 hours speech dene bole to ulte pair bhi chale jayenge
Papa( Eagerly): Kaun dilwa raha hai speech?

20. Mummy: Wo club me 3-D movie dikhate hain..ekdum 3D hota hai ..usme ghus ke dekhna padta hain..

21.Pa: Goofy ne kurta faad diya
Ma: Aapke muh me kaala pani

22.PapaLto me ) ( thinking deeply ) Elective me chhoo nahi sakte patient ko ?
Patient gir raha ho to ?

23. Papa: Kavitayen bolunga to 2000 rs milenge( with prolonged child like smile)

24. Pa: Arey indiabulla down jar aha hai
Ma( expectantly): Mujhe se poochho na kya upar kya neeche ja raha hai ( Mummy was in her stockbroker phase then )

25.Nani( distraught) : Goofy ghi pi gaya
Papa ( proudly ) woh to uska hak hai. Wo to naaz se peeta hai .

26.Mummy: Chalo apna ghar dekh ke ate hain.. mujhe is ghar me nahi rehna .. isme khara pani aata hai ( When we lived in Caravs)
Papa: 3 baar to dekh chuke hain..milega nahi to khilli udegi

After sometime : Chalo APNA makaan dekhne chalet hain (sarcastic)
 Papa( loudly): Apna ghar hai sabse pyaara caravs waala..
Then , “ Arey mummy ne to image bana rakhi hai ki main oppose karta hun hamesha”

27. Papa: Bade ghar me baghera aata hai
Mummy: Ingle us ghar me aake sota hai
Papa: Nahi ab nahi aata .. maine baat kar li hai
Me: Kaun baghera?
Papa: Nahi, Ingale

28. Papa: sapne me dekha ki 50 boulders upar gir gaye mere.. har boulder 1 lakh ka( What was that ? Metaphorical ?)

29. Mummy: Dekho Ambani 8000 crore ka ghar banvaya hai .. shreya zara papa ko dikha de

30.Papa: Aishwarya Rai sundar hai .. then thinking deeply and smiling : agar humari betiyan bhi aisi sundar hoti to jhat shaadi ho jati
 ( EUREKA )

31.Papa: Tu mummy ka side nahi legi .. to hi phone dilwaoonga

32. Papa( to mummy): Teri Station master se shaadi ho jati ... fir main tujhe chidhata.. heheh . tujhe subordinate rest house me thehrata

33.Papa: Decent marriage hoti hai priyanka Gandhi jaisi.. Indecent marriage matlab jisme 500 log gaana bajana ..paise barbaad kar rahe hain

34. Papa( to me ) Chal mithai khaane.. vaise bhi khane me tu hamesha se tez rahi hai .. aur teri nayi kameez bhi aayi hai ..
Jab choorma daal baati khati thi idhar udhar dekhti thi ki dusro ko zyaada to nahi mil gaya..hehe

35. Me: I want to go back to Mumbai for Shilpi’s birthday
Mummy: Acchha .. tere liye pineapple pastry le aate hain
Me: Mummy !!
Ma: TO black forest ??
Papa: Tu ek kaam kar .. usse ladai kar le ..fir jaana hi nahi padega
Me : Speechless

36. Ma ( to me ) : Soja na  dekh mausam kitna acchha ho raha hai
Me : huh !

37. Papa: (3 hours lecture dene ke baad) : Koi bhi uth ke nahi gaya
 (happily )
Mummy ( contempt ): Captives
Koi hume 3 hours lecture de to hum use kitti gaaliyan dete hain

37.Ma : Main gym ja rahi hun
Pa: Akeli ? Par tumhare liye treadmill rokna padta hai( Mummy at 70 speed .. gritting her teeth and saying  “Roko Roko” )..Papa to the rescue

38. Goofy barking and gnawing at sweeper’s feet :
Papa( from distance): yeh to aisa hi karta hai .. ye to aisa hi karta hai
( Very reassuring Papa )

39. Mummy ( to Papa): Ab aap stress ke alava kuchh aur lecture bhi do
Pa: How to please your wife having all the qualities in the world
Me: Including humility ??:P
Ma: Next to impossible !

40. Papa ( bringing a strange man to lunch) : Ye bohot bade historian hain.. inhe alwar ki saari history pata hai shreya tu ye books padhke alwar ki history jaan ..ye uncle laaye hain
Ma( under her breath ) : 3 more useless books.I want to throw them!
2 days later, Papa: arey wo aadmi to thug tha .. use railway ka kaam tha to alwar ki history yaad karke aaya tha to impress me . HAHAHA
Mummy ( angrily) : Humare chaar karele bhi kha gaya

41.Me: Mummy aapka phone kya ghatiya hai
Mummy : Tu hamesha mujhe down .. to earth kar deti hai

42. Mummy : Papa chhoti chhoti baton pe gussa kyon ho jaate hain .. kabhi kabhi to chid ke bolungi na .. hamesha thodi sweet banne ka  natak  kar sakti hun

43. Papa: Mera blog padhne koi nahi aa raha , main iska naam PNR enquiry rakh deta hun .. fir to log aayenge ise padhne

44. Mummy : aaj maine goofy ko 3 baar pyaar kiya. Ab teen mahine tak nahi karungi ( happily )
Seeing look on my face : arey karti hun mai use pyaar . .zabardasti karvata hai , karna padta hai

45. Mummy : Ye macbook kitna fascinating hai
Papa( sad look ) Mummy aur mere beech macbook aa gayi .

46. Ma : Aap mujhe kitna granted lete ho ..pehle itne acche khat likhte the mujhe
Me : huh kab likhte the ?Last year tak?
Ma: Shaadi se pehle ( smug look )
It’s been 27 years since marriage by the way

47. Electricity went out.
Papa: Purane zamaane me rassi waale pankhe hote the . Ek aadmi rassi kheechtha the .. ab robots banne chahiye jo rassi kheeche
Me: What a work for robots !
Papa: ( wistfully ) aur robots bail ko chara khilaye fir wo hal chalaye
Me: Modern world indeed!


48.Papa: Mera jeevan jangli peepal ki tarah hai ..koi bhi aake kaat deta hai .. ( don’t ask) 

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