Funny/ Interesting encounters with Patients

1.Elderly man with diabetes.. his name is “Mishrimal”

2.I called one very mature looking lady “Maaji”.. .. then asked her age for documentation purpose .. 32.. ok that’s only 1 year older than me.. Oops !

3.Doctor ye kis Cheez ka thyroid hai? Khoon ka ya gale kya ?  

4.Acromegaly patient’s lament “ Mere pair ke size ka joota hi nahi milta .. !!!”

Acro-giant’s dad when asked whether his son was still growing in height “ Haan, mujhe lagta hai kyunki ab iska sar darvaze ki dehleez se chhoone laga hai “

5. Turner syndrome patient’s lament “ Mere gale ke size ke necklace nahi milte” ( due to the webbing)

5. Know-it-all patient :Mere doctor ne bataya “Yeh facial palsy idiotic wajah se hai”..

Me:” Not Idiotic, idiopathic”.

 6.Pt with adrenal Cushing’s immediately post op ( pt being wheeled out of OT) ,

His brother demands “Mere bhai ka chehra abhi bhi Gol gol hai .. pichka nahi ?”

Wow .. notoriously quick expectations 

(Cushing disease leads to mooning of the face)

7.A dry fruits businessman suddenly experiencing blackouts and locked in state episodes - allegedly hypoglycaemic events .. we admit him to rule out an insulinoma .. on fasting induction to test for onset of hypoglycaemia, we realize there is something fishy .. the tests seem to say he’s taking diabetes meds on purpose to lower his blood sugar .. he rattles off the names of his mother’s diabetes medications in a heartbeat :. And then we ask him about his business .. isn’t doing so well he says ..We strongly suspect “Munchausen syndrome”. When he leaves the room, residents burst forth with astonishment .. one of our extremely Enthusiastic punjabi first years wants to check the mans’ bag, (watching too much House ) .. we stop him just in time .. as our lecturer says “Bag check is not a specific test , Urine for sulfonylurea is ! Plus, he could easily sue you “

8.Patient with adrenal insufficiency with really low sodium ..looks so jubilant .. huge Julia Roberts smile on his face ..wouldn’t be so bad to have a little low sodium – it was working like LSD for him !

9.17 year old boy, extremely short and hypogonadal , so he resembles a 6 year old, we investigating him for Combined Pituitary Hormone Disorder, and we ask him”kya banna hai bade hokar” and he replies promptly“Policeman sir” ..

Our professor;s response” Pediatric police dept banana padega ”

10. A 70 year old grandpa concerned about loss of libido .. 

11. Mother of a 12 year old ; Madam Iski rifle Chhoti hai (rifle= penis)            

12. A devout Muslim father concerned about his 11 year old son’s lack of masculinisation. And “ girlish “ activities ..and a morbid fear that his son may be gay ( based on his girlish behaviour of course).. I told him “Sir ur son is developing just fine and will masculinise shortly.. but whether he would be straight or gay, really only time will tell ..the look on the father’s face was “ Gay is a disease.. don’t u have a cure for it ?? ! No sir unfortunately we don’t.

13.One of my juniors was seeing a 21 year old female with primary amenorrhea .. he asked me to do sexual maturity staging .. I tell him well developed breasts etc ..  He tells me .. Oh is it?  In history she told me there is no breast development ..  I tell him " Dude, you can see it even with her T-shirt on ! You just spoke to her for half an hour" He turns red and with eyes averted says " Ma'am main kyu dekhunga ye Sab ? " ... Junior is from ISKON .. that explained it                  14.Same junior taking another patients’ history "Have u had renal Stones? Yes Have u had a seizure? yes Do u have acidity? Yes Headache or blurred vision? Yes.. My junior exasperated: Arey sab kuchh hai kya tumhe !! Har cheez Ka answer " Haan "!! 15.17 year old untreated Combined Pituitary Hormone deficiency (CPHD) who looks like a 5 year old with characteristic doll like facies has a high pitched baby voice . he finally comes around for a follow up. . he tells us he's a YouTube star playing comic roles in Marathi movies as "Chhotu" .. apt screen name ! Someone remarks it may be wrong to give him GH or testosterone .. it would transform him and then he'd no longer be" Chhotu ".. he could lose his livelihood 16. A hypogonadal man with zero sperm count comes to us with the news his wife is pregnant..completely oblivious..  we discuss in hushed tones doubts about his paternity.. The Punjabi junior is told to be discrete and not mention what wer discussing .. he says “ Ofcourse main uski wife ke chakkar ke baare me nahi bolunga “ 17. Another hypogonadal 20 year old guy crying his eyes out because doctor did not fill his medical form on time .. testosterone deficiency can be a real mess, aint it ..can make one pathologically emotional .. 18. Suspected pheochromocytoma comes to OPD.. my colleague after detailed history takes his BP, does his physical exam and then takes him file to seniors for discussion.. that is when he brings the real patient forward ! and declares himself the relative !! 19. Seeing an 8 year old boy with hCG producing tumor - with precocious puberty and Testo levels through the roof .. feeling his curious “very male-ish” gaze on me .. and then I look up to see him blowing air kisses at me from the hospital bed .. his  parents by now used to his new founded promiscuity but nonetheless turning red with embarrassment and trying to diffuse the situation .. startling and amusing effects of testosterone excess 20. A patient with a curious case of hypothyroidism that requires her to take astronomical amounts of thyroxine -1200 ug to be exact -10 times the amount usually required. We’re trying in vain since 5 years to make her euthyroid and failing… then she takes some homeopathic pills for 15 days and her TSH becomes bang normal.. all of us in all our “rationality” are unbelieving.. we run the homeopathy pills for T3 and T4 but that turns out to be undetectable,.. a science that we know little about and scorn most readily has just majorly upped us .. time to concede defeat ! 21. 5 year old quiet cute little thing with Prader willi syndrome..  she inserts her hand into crevices of doors and shuts the door on her hand ... Had read about self mutilation in PWS but this was shocking to say the least   22. Child born with ambiguous genitalia.. at 3 years doctors discover she has testis and is a male however they look at her external make up and doctors and parents jointly  decide to rear her as female .. now at 11 years she is tomboyish ; with short hair ; dresses like a boy; plays cricket, draws a beard and moustache on her face in the face app and doesn't want to keep her name ..all of this after having had both her testis removed at 3 years of age ..  there are times when we can go really terribly wrong with irreversible treatment.                                                 23. Punjabi junior communicating with Marathi patient " Changla report hai” in heavy punjabi accent .... 24. Same junior exacerbated with a research project he was assigned-, “Ye sab Kyun karate Hain ye log ?” Me: “Arey u get publications and visibility. Junior: "Matlab sirf fame ke liye itna kaam karvate hain?” 25. Same junior asked to give review of elephenta cave which he had recently visited .. "Haan matlab ki wohi elephenta caves jahan kuchh bhi nahi hai". ..                                                             26. Baby with TSH ^150 .. geneticist interested in making the rarest of diagnosis -leprechaunism(an extremely rare insulin resistance syndrome) only just looking at the baby's face..totally like judging a book by its cover.. leaving the TSH ignored... 2 things I wanted to tell them  .. when u hear hoofbeats, think of horses not zebras… and also leave some things to the “appropriate” superspecialists    27.The way NSS ma'am found juniors writing “c/s/b Prof. Dr.. Tushar Sir” on a patient file amusing …