End of life

Do any of us think about our own deaths ?

Do u know how my dog died?  In my arms. He had been growing weaker over the last few months, and then he just sort of made pleading noises and dragged himself to where I was  .. and he had this rattling breath. But I think it was the best way to die...not suffer from some other incurable condition and not be made to suffer at a vet’s hands. U know how as doctors, unassumingly, we tend to prolong a lot of suffering.

I really don't know how death is peaceful… is it ever?  I wondered later if I should have taken him to a vet knowing he was growing thin and weak. I think not. He had lived his life and was dying with dignity. There is no dignity in dying in a hospital with strangers around.

Hospitals will just prolong the passage and the misery. 

Maybe in that position I would choose to not become so dependent and just let life or death take its course.  But maybe I won’t either.  And always want the quick fix. It is an unfortunate situation with no easy solution.  The only way is to do what you can to keep suffering less and wait.

I just hope I can choose differently  .. that I will not fight death. We really have to learn to die gracefully. I always think that if I am diagnosed with a terminal disease. I would walk into the mountains  or travel  till  I fall  dead. But, we don’t know what exactly we would do in that position. I'm a firm believer in the quality of life. But when fully conscious and in possession of senses, it is difficult for anyone to accept that no matter what the physical condition. I guess we’r all  cowards  .. none of us know how to face death when we have an option to walk away. At some stage everyone has to accept that we are all going to die some day,  that  we don’t  need to  keep rushing to  a  hospital  and instead start  preparing  for death. At this time, we should be looking at other accounts - emotional  debts  that  have  to be paid  off..  its difficult to predict  how  we will  evolve  as  we  grow  older.

It is a question of time finally. Accepting death now or delaying it by a few months  or years  is  a  decision  that  we  must make  for ourselves. If we are choosing to cling on, then we accept the consequences of living.

Have I become stone hearted being a doctor, inured to suffering?

Maybe  not everyone  can  see  it  the way I  can  - that  it  would be  better  to embrace  death at  a certain  point.I want to die with dignity and acceptance.

There is a lingering feeling that as a society we have regressed. We really have moved away from understanding life and death.