A Hope for Expansion

 

I had been going to the Yoga sessions at Aurobindo Ashram and the imposing and beautiful meditation hall had been beckoning me for a few days now …

This morning I did go .. I stepped in gingerly and lay out the meditation pillows they had to make the seat comfortable .. I was sitting right across from Sri Aurobindos large portrait .. his kind but keen eyes sort of scrutinizing you.. I was alone except for another Ashramite and the sound of the floor being scrubbed..

I plugged in my ear phones and started the guided mediation to “awaken the chakras” by the Anand sangha group … I remember the initial part of the meditation and I was sinking deeper .. I was visualizing a streak of light through my spine shooting up to wards my third eye and sort of culminating and expanding there .. deeper than Id ever been.. I don’t remember much beyond it which implies I was deep into the process .. I opened my eyes slowly n saw Aurobindo’s stern penetrating gaze on me .. my eyes were already moist then as I opened them n I felt tears flow down my cheeks  .. then I was sobbing uncontrollably .. I was aware that I was alone now because I was painfully loud now ..  

I couldn’t peel my eyes away from HIS eyes .. his gaze penetrating as ever but now also full of love and understanding .. and those softened eyes made my whole being shudder with tears .. his love and acceptance were overwhelming .. It was as if I was in His living presence and speaking to him through my mind ..And he knew .. I was hopelessly drawn to him and the words “ MY master “ came to me of their own accord.. I was filled with a longing to be one with him… whatever that meant but it was a very tangible longing … to surrender my will .. dissolve my identity .. flow with him … to be embraced by him was ALL that my whole being was screaming silently for ..a yet in that scream there were no thoughts no judgement …  It was a moment of great clarity .. and I found myself literally hurling myself at his feet .. I was lying there face down tears flowing continuously my body visibly wreaked with sobbing .. it was something unprecedented … something Id never done before .. because I had never felt the sort of devotion even in the holiest of temples that Iv previously visited.. but I had no time to be judgemental about my actions or thoughts then the way I am now .. and that was the beauty of that moment …

There was no peace or tranquility and yet no restlessness there .. it was as if Id come home and I needed nothing more than to be embraced by him ..  An urgent need to merge into him.. annihilate myself and lay down at his feet … And yet it was a time devoid of thoughts.. its as if the universe magically presented me with a time turner and made time stop for a few minutes for me

And I feel tremendously grateful and humbled to be presented with a moment that I cannot possibly explain in words try as I might to capture this memory on paper  … It lends me hope … It takes away my sense of being limited .. and that is the greatest gift anyone could ever receive .. Expansion !

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