My Heart is as open as the Sky

 

At Isha Coimbatore  I shared my room with this incredible woman who seemed to be so jovial and alive 

 

Underneath lay  years of pain ..she had had a past with a husband who had beaten her to a pulp .. fractured her jaw...who had lied to her about his first wife .. who still was cheating her while cutting her off completely from her inner circle - her family n friends .. .

she would run away n sit in her car n sleep in her car at times bcz he would not beat her in open to maintain an outwardly sanity ..

 

All this while she was a successful professional earning even more than her husband in the USA 

 

After he would beat her at night she would pick up her aching body and soul,  prepare food for him and then drive him to work as he did not even own a driving license in US! 

 

Yet she would not be able to leave him ...she still does not know why she did not leave why she could not leave...she was paralyzed and cant place her old self anymore .. neither does she beat herself about it ...It was just a phase of life that I had to go through- she says without a flicker of remorse

 

He kicked her in the stomach while she was pregnant and she had premature labour ... After that her daughter who was born premature suffered Covid pneumonia at 9 months of age and succumbed ...and she had to bury her with her own hands .. 

 

She was deep into Sadhana throughout

perhaps thats how she survived this and pulled herself out unscathed ..burning even brighter ...

 

Today her eyes crinkle with laughter .. she has a lightness in her being ... she says she does not regret any experience that she has had ..it has all just been teaching her things ...she is open to any and every experience of life 

 

She feels free and unattached and she laughs like a child ..  She has travelled extensively since as a solo traveller and she cherishes the experiences she has had - good or bad ...they are meant to challenge her test her and she knows now her capacity for braving any situation whatever life may throw at her 

 

She says she has some sort of memory loss - so that she is not even able to suffer her past clearly if she wants to...shes always just in the now and the present ... she is not bitter about anything that has happened to her ... 

and she would not change her life in any way if given the chance .. 

 

 

Gazing at her I thought of Maya from the movie Kamasutra 

 

Maya: Knowing love, I can allow all things to come and go, to be as supple as the wind and to face all things with great courage.Life is right in any case. My heart is a open as the sky.

 

"My heart is open as the sky "- she seemed to whisper and I heard her

 

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